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Thursday, January 31, 2008: I'm excited to announce a new collaboration with (the) Manolo (for the) Men 'blog. I'll keep writing longer pieces for this site, with shorter, snippier bits there. ManoloMen's Izzy will continue his magnificent-ness there, and I will add some sparkle of my own. Thanks to The Manolo!

So you're getting married! Congratulations. And you want to know what to wear. This is a good one. There are a thousand options and possibly a thousand guides to tell you what to wear and how to wear it. As a now-experienced groom (as of October 13th, thank you very much), please consider me as one more source.

The magic advice is to listen to yourself. Even though you may think you don't know anything about clothing, you know more than most of the books, the guides, the wedding planners, even your future wife, if only because you'll be the one wearing them. This is true for any morning when you get dressed. While there are definitely better ways and worse ways to present yourself, it starts in a touchy-feely sort of way with how you view yourself.

Though before I keep going, I have to ask: are you prepared to actually take this advice? What I mean is, if you go back to the powers that be for this particular party -- the wedding planner, the future mother-in-law, the bride -- and tell them that you looked deep within yourself and examined your relationship with clothing and, drum roll, you want to wear skinny jeans and a hoodie sweatshirt on The Most Important Day Of Your Life, would they even listen to you?

If it promises to be a very produced wedding, save yourself all the agony and go along with whatever they say--the aforementioned planner, mother-in-law, and bride. It wouldn't be a battle worth fighting. Once you get to the tuxedo rental place (which is most likely where you will end up) I can steer you a bit. First, get it a size or two smaller than anything they put on you, and try to choose a single-breasted 1-button peak lapel jacket. And get your own bowtie, tie it yourself, and wear a pocket square. Oh, and buy your own shoes. The rental ones are plastic. Plastic shoes!

But if this is a planning crew that is receptive to what you may actually want to wear, think about your favorite thing to wear when you leave the house. Then imagine what might be one step further. Think about what might push you to feel "dressed up" more than you otherwise might. (I'm trying to avoid you saying you're comfortable in jeans and t-shirts, and therefore that's what you'd like to wear.) If you don't wear suits often, but might be comfortable in one, wear a suit! Maybe in a casual fabric: cotton or corduroy or linen, something other than dark and dressy wool. If you're always comfortable in suits, go one step further to a tuxedo. A sport jacket and nice trousers could look great, too, supposing your bride isn't dressing like a queen and dragging a 20-foot train behind her. (If that's the case, consult the English and wear a morning coat in the day or white tie and tails in the evening.) Or if it's a summer wedding outdoors, do like a friend of mine recently did: a guayabera shirt, tan trousers, and sandals. He didn't need a uniform to remind people he's the groom: the glow on his face sufficed.

To the best of your ability, consider it just one more day in your life. If your look is consistent with who you are, and you avoid wearing a costume that doesn't suit you, being yourself will be easy.

11 response(s) | e-mail it | permanent link

You did look great in your wedding photos, by the way.

By  george, at 10/25/07 11:54 PM  

I wore a navy blazer and kelly green pants at my wedding. Beautiful ceremony, great outfits. The marriage lasted three months!

By  Alan, at 10/27/07 11:13 AM  

This is great functional advice. Most of us will wind up being part of a produced wedding, unfortunately.

By  Anonymous, at 10/27/07 12:44 PM  

John, you are wise beyond your years...I never would have expected such enlightened clothing advice based on what you wore growing up. I'm so proud ;)

By  Anonymous, at 10/30/07 9:55 AM  

John made me look like like a million dollars on my wedding day, a month before his. He was tireless in educating me on why my clothes felt so f---ing amazing. I couldn't figure out how to tie the stupid bow-tie he lent me, though. I wish I had, because his looked, to quote Borat, verra nice.

By  Kurt, at 10/30/07 10:32 AM  

lovely posting. but where are the wedding photos?!

By  rpse, at 11/6/07 8:27 PM  

p.s. could you possible change my identity from the mistyped rpse i made to rose?

By  rpse, at 11/6/07 8:28 PM  

John also gave me expert advice on my own wedding attire--practical yet savvy. I felt at ease and also like I looked as good as I ever have in my life. Perfect! Thanks, John!

By  lookmarythesunrisesoverfrance, at 11/15/07 2:25 PM  

What is your opinion on the wearing of tuxedos during a daytime wedding? My fiancee and I are planning a church wedding for 1:00 pm with a black-tie reception at 6:00. I believe that tuxedos are not to be worn until night and that a suit worn for the ceremony is both more proper than and equivalent in formality to a tuxedo. My fiancee believes that she is and her bridesmaids are wearing fancy dresses and she wants wedding pictures with guys in tuxedos.

I'm going to lose this one, but I'd like to know whether I should lose it. Thanks.

By  Mike, at 1/22/08 5:28 PM  

Mike,

The correct way to wear black tie during the day is of course a morning coat -- so that's one option. (You are correct that you shouldn't wear a tuxedo during the day.) But like you said, you're going to lose this one. Lose it gracefully! Perhaps wearing a tuxedo at 1pm . . .

By  jde, at 1/31/08 1:14 PM  

Unfortunately, many females have been planning their wedding for as long as they knew what the word meant, effectively limiting the groom's "creative latitude".

Although, like most things in life, it's situational.

Great post.

Cheers.

By  Jason, at 5/16/08 6:31 AM  

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